Sitting in Bars with Cake by Audrey Shulman

Author:Audrey Shulman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2015-02-05T00:00:00+00:00

The Guy Who Used My Nose as a Pickup Line

We’d already given this guy a piece of cake earlier in the night, but he’d reappeared, this time with an intentional coat of frosting on his nose.

“Are you Jewish?” he asked me.

“No,” I said, confused. “Well, technically, no. Why?”

“I just couldn’t help but notice your nose,” he said.

Just to give you a nice visual here, my nose is unmistakably prominent, slightly crooked, and alarming when photographed from the side.

“Are you a plastic surgeon?” I asked.

“No, I’m a single Jewish man,” he said, and plopped down next to me.

All this time I had thought pickup lines were supposed to give you some kind of confidence boost, or at least opt you in to some hormonally charged banter that resulted in a handful of lusty dates. The fact that this guy had sought me out with some kind of strategy involving frosting on his face was vaguely flattering, but I was fairly relieved to discover pickup lines were nothing to write home about.

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